Dear gremlin on my shoulder,
Listen at your own peril.
Thank you very much for pointing this out. Your unrequested feedback about my every contribution to the world is much appreciated. I acknowledge your point, I do. All these years perched on my shoulder, doubting my dreams, my moves, my words. Telling me softly You’re not worthy, you’re a cheat, a tiny little blotch of a person. Thank you for your views, your questions, your doubts. You are there every night and every morning, and I believe you at my peril. All your strange hypotheses, fully imagined and investigated, the complexity of which I can never fully grasp. You say, I’m just interested. I just want to help, and All I’m saying is true — guaranteed 100%, you say. I look at you sideways, take a glimpse at your dark skin, resembling an elbow out of shape. You’re right there, almost touching my nose. Your awkward long arms reaching out to your feet, your ears wide open, hearing all future outcomes. You’re not really cruel. You care, isn’t it. You mentor like you care. You look wise. Old. Why shouldn’t I believe you?
But what it? Wouldn’t it be amazing? Tell me what I need to do to make it happen. Help me unhook myself. Look at what I’ve done, dear gremlin, how I advanced, the roles I did, the impact I had. Look at the data. Things are better because I did that. Maybe I could reach out for support. If only I was brave enough.
You take a while to respond. I can see your green eyes going into a knot, the fear that I might brush you off. Hear me out, you whisper. I’m all you need. Passion? 80% of passionates fail in the first year. And what makes you think you’re good at this? Go and do more of that instead. You’ll do well if you stay put. Hear me out.
I thank you profusely for slightly longer than I need to. You’re right. It’s too much, all of it. I hear you and refrain from putting that pressure on myself. I download the world under the blankets. Holding on to myself. You care, isn’t it. You mentor like you care. You look wise. Old. Why shouldn’t I believe you?
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